This has been my first year (almost a year) of being completely 'on my own' from my family of origin. Thank God. Relying on my family has been something I've been resentful of in the past for a variety of reasons. Because I would be guilted over financial dependence and would not be empowered or encouraged to do anything about it.
I do not think that ANY young adult should be completely financially dependent on their family. I don't care if they're in college or not. I think it is the PARENTS responsibility to teach (via personal experience and example) their kids how to live on their own. If a parent feels their child is taking advantage of what they're given, that is the fault of the parent.
I have also come to learn a lot about non-family relationships. And thank God because I surely had it WRONG before. I am not a people pleaser. I am a thinker, who is judging on what I think is right and wrong and there is nothing wrong with that.
Some people are more emotional than logical, some people sense things out instead of being intuitive, and so forth. Well, I am a very 'what you see is what you get' kind of person. And that is what I expect from other people. If someone isn't like that, then likely I won't like them.
There's nothing wrong with that and it doesn't make me wrong and them right or me right and them wrong. It's just a difference of personalities.
Well, the difference in me now and me how I used to be is that I'm not afraid to see things how they are. Before I would deny how people truly were. I would have an instinct or knowing that someone was not acting the way I thought was right and instead of putting 2+2 together to = 4, I would be in denial over it.
Bottom line, if you have a friend who repeatedly screws you over they are not a good friend and maybe not a good person. If you have a boyfriend/girlfriend who takes advantage of you in ANY way, it's not because they haven't learned certain life lessons. It's not because they didn't realize they hurt you. It's not because it was an accident. If you are friend with someone or in a relationship with someone who treats ANYONE poorly at any time and isn't repentant about it, they are not who you need to associate with.
Before, I have had an eerie desire to make people want to be my friend. I didn't want to cut people out. I was thinking "forgiveness", "patience", "acceptance", "loyalty". And do you know what 5+ years of that has got me? Honestly, I'm being serious. It has gotten me way too many scars from putting myself on the line (emotionally, socially) for people who are NOT worth it.
If you don't have a 100% 2 way street kind of relationship with someone then it's not the kind you should value highly. Do not have expectations on people who have proven to you they do not deserve your high expectations.
If someone lets you down, plan on them letting you down until proven otherwise. Don't think that all of the sudden they will be a gem when they have changed zero. Someone not wanting to be best friends with you is not necessarily a reflection of you and what you have to offer. Some people just do not want it.
Some people do not search for friends with openness, honesty, character, commitment, emotional depth, who are fun, smart, etc etc etc. Some people do not seek out those characteristics. And if you DO seek out those characteristics, you can't MAKE someone fit that mold. Believe me, I've tried. I've told myself for years that someone was a 'friend' and it is absolutely not true. They possess 10%, at best, of the qualities of a friend that I want.
And the good news is this, we all have the ability to chose. We don't have to be friends with someone just because we lived with them in college, were close for one year, knew them for 10 years, are their oldest friend, or because they need you. Like all things in life, we get to choose.
Choose who builds you up, who gives to you, who is reliable, and who is genuinely interested in your life and in what's important to you.
You can easily choose wrong, get attached to a person who is wrong for you, and feel left with nothing when the wrong situation pans out in a wrong way. And like I said, you end up feeling left with nothing. And the bottom line is what you were settling for 'nothing' in the first place.
